Guy: Your teeth are so white!
Me: Thank you!
Guy: No but seriously, what do you use? They are so white
Me: My teeth?
Guy: Yeah what do you use
Me: Uhhh like, the whitening strips? And I floss every day and brush my teeth every day
*It is important to add that I probably do not in fact floss every single day, I am a mere mortal, I forget sometimes. To my dentist: I am sorry, but does anyone actually floss every day? Ok back to the conversation
Guy: Like twice a day or once a day
Me: Twice a day!
*Now that is true because I have a mini heart attack if I forget to brush my teeth in the morning. Bad breath is a disease that plagues too many people, and I do everything in my power to not get infected. As someone who had to sit next to someone with the nastiest, most potent, and horribly aromatic morning breath for an entire semester, I know the immediate loss of respect that happens when somebody has bad breath. It’s hard to look at someone in the eye after being shot at by them repeatedly. The same goes for murderous wafts of bad breath.
Guy: Ok that makes sense, that’s what I’ve been missing
*…wow. I mean, I probably should be awarded a Nobel prize for inventing brushing your teeth twice a day. Shhhh, they don’t know I know this hack, and the hack is basic dental hygiene. Truly I’ve blown the competition away with this one. But in all seriousness, if I have successfully convinced a single person to brush their teeth twice a day, therefore preventing cavities, bad breath, and nasty side eyes from people in close contact with them, I consider this a feat. And yes, I will be accepting my honorary DDS complete with cap and gown (a high school diploma was never going to be enough for me).